Dear Diary:

I haven't written in you in a while. I guess that is because not much has been happening. Just studying and yelling and and things. No jumping off anything.

I have got a new brother. His name is Dietrich (it's spelled funny, hardly like it sounds at all, I wonder why that is? Deetrick would make a lot more sense) and he's tiny and cute when he's not crying. He is crying most of the time, though. I'm glad my bedroom is pretty far off.

Fid is dead and it's not fair at all. I didn't even get to say goodbye or anything. Last time I saw him we just hung around at the Faire and played with the tonks and got our fortunes and I don't even remember what the fortunes were. And he said my hair was nice but he was lying, because I'd just cut it since Tizy had put gum in it. Fid was my age and he died. People my age aren't supposed to die. I was going to take him to the Thandol Span and then jump off and maybe if I'd bugged him to do it anyway then'd things'd be different and

*The line of ink trails off and ends with a smudged blot. The page is dappled with waterspots.*

FUCK.

Here I was complaining at Morgan that boo-hoo I am pregnant and fat and depressed and fuck

This world. This damned world.

How am I going to tell Arhena?

I finally got up the courage to go to Neomi regarding my moods. I'm reluctant to say "depression", but I suppose that's exactly what it is. She gave me some tea that should hopefully help, and asked me if I was thinking about any cliffs before I left. Nether, that was embarrassing. All I'm hoping for is that it doesn't last as long as before. When Molly was born, my thoughts were dark for months.

Niainde witnessed Sgt. Dekae Stonerift's apparent murder, at the hands of a paladin woman. She thinks that another member of the Company, Carimonia Stonewill, is the murderess. I'm not quite sure what to think, to be honest. The girl is an absolute tooth-grinding nutter, but apparently Dekae was her father. Perhaps she thought she was putting him out of her misery... or we've got the wrong person. Gelles Magain was also in the city around the same time - I saw her there myself - but Niainde swears up and down that she'd have recognized Gelles. They're both confined to quarters while the Company investigates further.

I'm not sure I want any more to do with it. Except for the fact that I offered to deliver Literature to Gelles tomorrow.

Morgan's finally back! That's done more for my spirits than anything else, I think. Shame our discussion had to be interrupted by a starry-eyed death knight that can "see the future" - Frigg, of the Company. I can't bloody stand it when people talk about fate. The idea is ridiculous, and completely undermines the concept of free will. Eventually she left, and were able to continue. I've really missed him - there aren't many people I can talk to so easily.

He says Fidelis is staying in Southshore for a while, to take a break from the training. I think I'll ask Morgan if he could take Arhena there for a short stay, after the baby's born - that way, she could be off having fun while we try to ease her sibling into a routine. I know she's fond of Fidelis (which is exactly why she's not going on this trip without a chaperone - I remember what I was thinking about boys when I was her age, and that would be nothing but trouble). My worries are that she'll think we're shipping her off to get her out of the way, or that she'll be jealous of the baby. I could always have her stay the first few nights of no bloody sleep to nip the former in the bud. The latter I'm not sure how to deal with. I've never had more than one child before.

Perhaps tomorrow will be the day.

I think I'll just stay at home from now on. I am tired of elves talking in elf-speak and people enjoying their nether-damned drinks and I really think I'm going to start CRYING this is RIDICULOUS. I hate people! Who was the last good friend I had? Arhena? Avie? Avaena? And how did those turn out? I was reduced to crying on Edding's shoulder, for the love of the Light!

Why am I bringing a child into all this? This is idiocy. This is all idiocy. If it's not the Scourge it's the Legion. If it's not them, it will be the Horde. If not the Horde, then the Old Gods will rise.


...Maybe I should talk to Neomi about that tea she mentioned.

Well, the past week's pissiness has been replaced by worry and melancholy. The baby has dropped and it's damned uncomfortable. At least he's not kicking around so much now. I wonder why that is? It was the same with Molly, and I never got around to asking Aunt Linde.

I'm having those small contractions - I forget what Auntie called them - and that's just making my anxiety worse; I'm sure there would be a good number of problems if I actually went into labour right now. They go away relatively quickly, but they completely fray my nerves every time.

Nether, I need a drink.

I was a complete ass to some child calling himself a Stormwind guard the other night - he wasn't even in uniform, and was obviously trying to butt in on our conversations, as the group was mainly female. Instead of lashing out at me (which was a shame, because I really was looking for a nice screaming match) he snapped something about elves and took off. What the hell? I mean, I suppose I'm not the most racially tolerant person out there, but when a human woman is screeching at you, you really ought to reply to her. Niainde didn't take that well. Was funny, though.

Speaking of which, I went on a walk after some of those damned contractions and met up with Ianthena on the way. Her ribs were bruised. She said a child threw a rock at her when she was a cat. Considering how she was glowering, quite frankly, I'm not inclined to believe her. I wonder why she and Niainde are fighting. Again.

Nether I am tired of having to get up in the middle of writing to go to the washroom!

I am tired of everything. The book hasn't left my person since I returned from Ratchet, but I just don't have the concentration to organize my findings and decide on a plan of action.

Something is going to go wrong, it always does.

Caderly's an idiot.

That girl he had me convince Aaleyada to perform a severing on is a practising warlock. If I'd have known that, I'd never have asked him to do it in the first bloody place. Idiocy! Not only that, but she cursed him to the brink of death, then ran off like the irresponsible child she is. And I allowed this woman to be around my daughter!

Ah, well. I'll have her head if she so much as approaches Arhena again, and Edding would only be better off for it.

I can't believe I still speak with the man. It's completely irrational. He is a warlock. He is the worst warlock I've ever seen. He's fallen for a warlock he claimed didn't want to be a warlock any longer but goes around cursing her best friends to death anyway.

Nether, I miss having sane friends. Mydak, Avaena, Erthant, Beckett. Sane human friends who don't look at you like you're some kind of specimen when you say oh I'm only thirty-one years old. Where the hell is Morgan, anyway? I miss him.

Spoke with Neomi today. I want some of her nether-damned TEA but I CAN'T, wouldn't it just be grand if I fucked things with a month to go? She said if I'm this nervous now, there's a good chance of depression once the baby is born. Which is, essentially, exactly what happened last time. Brilliant. I'll look forward to it.

What the hell is with people? I swear, Niainde thinks I'm going to drop a baby on the floor any damn day now. One of our new Privates - Gelles Magain - asked if she could touch my belly. Because she'd "never been this close to a pregnant woman before".

WHAT THE HELL, COMPANY.

While I was gone, someone presumably broke into my office. The door was open when Niainde came to find me, the first day I was back, before I'd been there. Nothing seems to be moved or taken, and all the files are locked in their cabinets with no apparent sign of tampering. Niainde suggested Tizy may have something to do with it. Wouldn't put it past him, really, after the Goldshire Incident.

To top things off, Altruis intercepted me on my way home tonight, asking about the Book and if I'd destroyed it yet. It was on my person - I don't dare keep it in the office any more - so I couldn't lie. He was not pleased. I pointed out that I'm eight bloody months PREGNANT and that I can't just go traipsing into a battle by myself willy-nilly, and that I've showed a great deal more responsibility than he regarding the raw power of the book- Altruis was the one who put his trust in me. I told him I'll gladly hand over the book should he find someone else suitable.

That was a lie.

I found the name.

I am gla It is done. I slit her throat and burned her corpse and spread her ashes over the Great Sea. She recognized me, this time - did she know who I was all along?

I'd completely forgotten how completely unsettling Jules could be, even when she was still alive. It wasn't long before she was speaking about the end - her first death - and when she explained in her hollow voice how Jacob had turned on Lillian first that I ended it again. I don't need to know how it happened. It just did, and that's enough.

I consider myself luckier than Morgan; Jules had no eyes.

This page has been ripped out and placed on a table in Eliss' study at home.

Taking care of something. Back soon.

Damned death knights. Damned death knights. So I asked the Memorial to stop at Uther's Tomb - better than having it stop in Andorhal, ho ho, see this was where my parents lived, and here was the office where I helped Augnorn with the bookkeeping, and look see here's where my family died - and Corporal Frostine brings a ghoul along.

She made a speech about how it used to be a person, and therefore we should accept and love it and

THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU'RE SUCH A MONSTER. IT WAS A PERSON. It was someone's husband or daughter or father or SOMETHING and you yank it out of the bleeding GROUND and you don't exactly ask its bloody PERMISSION, now, do you? And then you order it AROUND and if it's torn apart by some oozing monstrosity OH WELL LET'S JUST DIG UP ANOTHER ONE.

If you want to show respect, LET IT STAY DEAD, for the love of the LIGHT.

Dear Diary:

Dad took me out to this great waterfall in Elwynn for training last week. It wasn't too hard, kind of like how I conjure food and water. Totally different way, though, but still, similiar theory, so I caught right on! Ha!

I am tired of having no friends.

I mean, I have got Penny and Fid, I guess, but I don't think Penny really likes me at all. I mean, she had to RUN OFF because PEOPLE NEEDED HEALING but she said I couldn't help at all. I mean, what? COME ON. I mean, I don't know any healy spells or anything, but I could do SOMETHING. Like, make water. Hurt people want water, right? And she said DON'T WORRY I'LL BE BACK and I sat on the Cathedral steps for ever and she never came back. I think I heard her yell once, and I yelled back, but she didn't so I guess it wasn't her. And some stupid dog was following me. So yeah. I don't think Penny likes me at all. Plus, before that, she was jumping around and all happy and stuff but then when I talked to her she got all nervous and she said it was nothing so I guess I was the reason because she sure didn't mind the stupid dog.

At least I think Fid is still my friend. Except that he hates Dad (not that I can blame him at ALL, jeez) and I bet if Dad shows up again he'll just run off for GOOD or else his dad will try fight my dad or something and that'd just end AWFULLY and ugh. And he is nice, but all he talks about is TRAINING TRAINING TRAINING I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM TRAINING.

Arhena is my friend! But Mom just gets all wide-eyed and stuttery if I mention her and I dunno. And plus, she's an ADULT. It is like a secret society. Because I am three years too young, there are SO many things I can't do just because OH YOU ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH YET. And those are just the people who are NICE. The rest just call me a brat.

How am I a brat? Seriously? I'm not. Mom says I'm not.

I got a nose ring because it looks cool.

Love,
Arhena Sophie Balthazar

Dear Diary:

I got him GOOD I don't think he will even notice for a while!! Ha ha, Tizy! It is kind of funny that the lady didn't say anything (I think it was Likue - she was in charge of finding Tizy wasn't she? I guess they are friends) but maybe she just appreciates a good joke. The pink looks really awful on him!!

I met a guy!! He is not a healer like my tarot reading said so maybe he's not even the one from it? That one isn't supposed to be romantic either, not that I am romantic with Fid or anything. He was dead and then came back just like Arhena only he had hired a shaman to do it and she doesn't know how it happened. Maybe if I died I'd come back too without knowing why? MAYBE. I'm not going to try it out though.

But then HE came along and ruined EVERYTHING like he ALWAYS DOES. He did not have to be so MEAN to Fid, it was ridiculous, we were just talking and it's not like Dad ever listens to me. So now Fid will probably never talk to me again because he's afraid Dad will POOF OUT OF NOWHERE and bite his poor head off and I can't really blame him for that.

It's not fair at all.

I would talk to Arhena but she is biased just like Mom and just says "Listen to your father" but I'm not even an ADULT (technically) and I know he's WRONG and being STUPID so what am I supposed to even do? And Mom is mad at me and I guess I can't blame her for that but she's not too mad and she's mad at Dad too so it's okay.

She is kind of crazy lately, I feel bad for her. I walked into her study one day and she was yelling at a book she was reading. She is getting really big too!! She says the baby is moving around and stuff and even kicking a little but I haven't been around to feel it yet. It had better be a girl!

Love,
Arhena Sophie Balthazar

Nether, what a bloody night. Still can't find it.

Then I come out of my office to find Niainde, of all people, who glares at me (all while remaining relatively polite - elves) and then asks if there are any officers except me around. Then she asks this over the talkie. THEN SHE ACCEPT'S TIZY'S HELP. OVER MINE. What in the bleeding NETHER did I do to HER?! Last I saw her she was all doped-up and stupid a few days after killing Eveningstar. Did I offend her delicate elf sensibilities somehow?! And to think I ABSTAINED from her sobriety vote. NEVER AGAIN.

So then Edding and I go over to the Recluse whilst Togbauble and Stormlight finish discussing their secret, important business. Soon as they show up (I suppose Niainde isn't pissy enough with me to not join in with Caderly's relentless mocking of me) who ELSE walks up the stairs but ARHENA. TARKHEENA.

I don't understand the woman. At all. One does not say someone is like bloody family only to run off and tell her stupid irresponsible husband you still love him. One does not answer "why" with "I'm sorry". One does not stay away for months on end only to show up and pissily say you still care.

AND THEN TIZY TELLS ME MY ARHENA HAS BEEN IN GOLDSHIRE. GOLDSHIRE!

And somehow, while I'm scouring the city trying to find her, she starts chatting up a certain boy that I told in no uncertain terms to STAY AWAY FROM HER. And then AALEYADA

*The following writing is much more neat.*

Well, they're both asleep now. I can't bloody sleep. How in the nether am I supposed to juggle those two? There was a lull for a while, but they fight all the time. About anything. Neither of them will ever back down. Maybe sending Arhena away to study in Dalaran would be a good idea.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say the damned book was toying with me. I've found every other name but his - even the Xorothian, for the love of the Light. Page after page after


Oh, dear, it's late. I need to get home and get some sleep. I shouldn't have gone to the Company meeting today, this is more important.

As of late, I've been sneaking about in Shadowmoon Valley, scouting out the Black Temple before our expedition and doing a bit of work for the Scryers. It won't be long before I'm too round to even do that, so I've been keeping quite busy with it. I came across something very interesting while speaking with a Kaldorei demon hunter in Nagrand.

There is a book that contains the true name of every demon in existence. Obviously it's an enchanted item; the Legion is practically beyond number and there are creatures being tainted to swell their numbers every moment. Knowing the true name of a demon is to have nearly absolute power over it.

The book is in my office.

I obtained it from an ogre in the Shadow Labyrinth - why he had it, exactly, I don't know. I need it to put an end to one of Illidan's pet demon hunters, as the blood elf in question draws from it for power. But... not quite yet. I'll still need help for that. First, there is something I must do.

It's an enourmous bloody book. Finding the name is going to be nearly impossible.

It's lovely, just lovely. I don't feel like I'm on... well, thin ice any longer. It's strange how much a little ring can do, isn't it? I just have to make sure to not lose this one, not like the first two.

And he made me something that SMELLS like booze and TASTES like booze but it's not, really, so I can drink it anyway only he can't make a whole lot at a time so I'm really just carrying around a flask but that's fine.

I'm almost done his book, and the baby is fluttering about more and more, and Arhena's been a sweetheart for the past few days (I am beginning to wonder if she's done something wrong). I'm almost happy.

Boy	Girl
Julian	Sasha
Elias	Lena
Edmund	Ophelia

Fidelis Traske is dead. I don't know what to think about it. I mean, on one hand, it is partially my fault - he burned Company records, Light be damned - but if he'd done only that, they wouldn't have reacted as they did. His death was a product of his life. Still! He was my bloody assistant last week! He ratted out Tizy to the Alliance thanks to me - but then he helped keep them away in time for us to get to Tizy first. And he was Morgan's brother, his only family left since the plague.

The man was brave, if nothing else - he did what I discovered I could never do: kill someone I know who's turned.

I'm just bloody lucky it was Jules and not Augnorn. Why didn't he tu


I'm fond of Morgan. He called me "sis" before darting off to the Grizzly Hills to bathe himself in blood. One can hope things don't turn out like they did the last time someone called me that. Actually, you know what? Never mind. I would be far too busy laughing my ass off to care if Morgan Traske walked up to Aaleyada and told him that he loved him.

I wonder how Arhena Tarkheena is. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ANSWER IS "I'M SORRY"

Nether, I'm pissy tonight. Hell with Ianthena too, while I'm at it. How the HELL does she have the nerve to judge TIZY guilty - a gnome guilty of nothing other than being something of an idiot - when her own wife lesbian mate or whatever the hell they call each other runs off by herself, almost gets herself killed? Hell hell hell HELL. Idiocy. And Private Foxfire just happened to get mutilated by a passing gang of Horde, IN IRONFORGE, when I saw Ianthena's precious wifey well messed up a few hours later? Not that I'll call her out on that. I mean, from the looks of things, Foxfire deserved it, and I could even be wrong and it WAS the horde that did it. Still. Even ignoring that, bloody hypocrite elf.

It's hard to have time to hate myself when I'm busy hating everyone else, Fidelis. SO THERE.

I may have gotten in over my head with this one: I am teaching Tizy Togbauble to read. I should really do some studies in linguistics, I'm *The letter trails off, half-written.*

I think it just moved. He. She.