(( Whoops, I never put up a notice! Eliss' and Arhena's journals are still around. They're just being posted with the rest of the Annals of the Black Company now. You can look at theirs specifically by clicking their names in the column on the lower right!

Eliss has been writing in her journal for three and a half years now. Isn't that fun? ))

Dear Diary:

I haven't written in you in a while. I guess that is because not much has been happening. Just studying and yelling and and things. No jumping off anything.

I have got a new brother. His name is Dietrich (it's spelled funny, hardly like it sounds at all, I wonder why that is? Deetrick would make a lot more sense) and he's tiny and cute when he's not crying. He is crying most of the time, though. I'm glad my bedroom is pretty far off.

Fid is dead and it's not fair at all. I didn't even get to say goodbye or anything. Last time I saw him we just hung around at the Faire and played with the tonks and got our fortunes and I don't even remember what the fortunes were. And he said my hair was nice but he was lying, because I'd just cut it since Tizy had put gum in it. Fid was my age and he died. People my age aren't supposed to die. I was going to take him to the Thandol Span and then jump off and maybe if I'd bugged him to do it anyway then'd things'd be different and

*The line of ink trails off and ends with a smudged blot. The page is dappled with waterspots.*

FUCK.

Here I was complaining at Morgan that boo-hoo I am pregnant and fat and depressed and fuck

This world. This damned world.

How am I going to tell Arhena?

I finally got up the courage to go to Neomi regarding my moods. I'm reluctant to say "depression", but I suppose that's exactly what it is. She gave me some tea that should hopefully help, and asked me if I was thinking about any cliffs before I left. Nether, that was embarrassing. All I'm hoping for is that it doesn't last as long as before. When Molly was born, my thoughts were dark for months.

Niainde witnessed Sgt. Dekae Stonerift's apparent murder, at the hands of a paladin woman. She thinks that another member of the Company, Carimonia Stonewill, is the murderess. I'm not quite sure what to think, to be honest. The girl is an absolute tooth-grinding nutter, but apparently Dekae was her father. Perhaps she thought she was putting him out of her misery... or we've got the wrong person. Gelles Magain was also in the city around the same time - I saw her there myself - but Niainde swears up and down that she'd have recognized Gelles. They're both confined to quarters while the Company investigates further.

I'm not sure I want any more to do with it. Except for the fact that I offered to deliver Literature to Gelles tomorrow.

Morgan's finally back! That's done more for my spirits than anything else, I think. Shame our discussion had to be interrupted by a starry-eyed death knight that can "see the future" - Frigg, of the Company. I can't bloody stand it when people talk about fate. The idea is ridiculous, and completely undermines the concept of free will. Eventually she left, and were able to continue. I've really missed him - there aren't many people I can talk to so easily.

He says Fidelis is staying in Southshore for a while, to take a break from the training. I think I'll ask Morgan if he could take Arhena there for a short stay, after the baby's born - that way, she could be off having fun while we try to ease her sibling into a routine. I know she's fond of Fidelis (which is exactly why she's not going on this trip without a chaperone - I remember what I was thinking about boys when I was her age, and that would be nothing but trouble). My worries are that she'll think we're shipping her off to get her out of the way, or that she'll be jealous of the baby. I could always have her stay the first few nights of no bloody sleep to nip the former in the bud. The latter I'm not sure how to deal with. I've never had more than one child before.

Perhaps tomorrow will be the day.

I think I'll just stay at home from now on. I am tired of elves talking in elf-speak and people enjoying their nether-damned drinks and I really think I'm going to start CRYING this is RIDICULOUS. I hate people! Who was the last good friend I had? Arhena? Avie? Avaena? And how did those turn out? I was reduced to crying on Edding's shoulder, for the love of the Light!

Why am I bringing a child into all this? This is idiocy. This is all idiocy. If it's not the Scourge it's the Legion. If it's not them, it will be the Horde. If not the Horde, then the Old Gods will rise.


...Maybe I should talk to Neomi about that tea she mentioned.

Well, the past week's pissiness has been replaced by worry and melancholy. The baby has dropped and it's damned uncomfortable. At least he's not kicking around so much now. I wonder why that is? It was the same with Molly, and I never got around to asking Aunt Linde.

I'm having those small contractions - I forget what Auntie called them - and that's just making my anxiety worse; I'm sure there would be a good number of problems if I actually went into labour right now. They go away relatively quickly, but they completely fray my nerves every time.

Nether, I need a drink.

I was a complete ass to some child calling himself a Stormwind guard the other night - he wasn't even in uniform, and was obviously trying to butt in on our conversations, as the group was mainly female. Instead of lashing out at me (which was a shame, because I really was looking for a nice screaming match) he snapped something about elves and took off. What the hell? I mean, I suppose I'm not the most racially tolerant person out there, but when a human woman is screeching at you, you really ought to reply to her. Niainde didn't take that well. Was funny, though.

Speaking of which, I went on a walk after some of those damned contractions and met up with Ianthena on the way. Her ribs were bruised. She said a child threw a rock at her when she was a cat. Considering how she was glowering, quite frankly, I'm not inclined to believe her. I wonder why she and Niainde are fighting. Again.

Nether I am tired of having to get up in the middle of writing to go to the washroom!

I am tired of everything. The book hasn't left my person since I returned from Ratchet, but I just don't have the concentration to organize my findings and decide on a plan of action.

Something is going to go wrong, it always does.

Caderly's an idiot.

That girl he had me convince Aaleyada to perform a severing on is a practising warlock. If I'd have known that, I'd never have asked him to do it in the first bloody place. Idiocy! Not only that, but she cursed him to the brink of death, then ran off like the irresponsible child she is. And I allowed this woman to be around my daughter!

Ah, well. I'll have her head if she so much as approaches Arhena again, and Edding would only be better off for it.

I can't believe I still speak with the man. It's completely irrational. He is a warlock. He is the worst warlock I've ever seen. He's fallen for a warlock he claimed didn't want to be a warlock any longer but goes around cursing her best friends to death anyway.

Nether, I miss having sane friends. Mydak, Avaena, Erthant, Beckett. Sane human friends who don't look at you like you're some kind of specimen when you say oh I'm only thirty-one years old. Where the hell is Morgan, anyway? I miss him.

Spoke with Neomi today. I want some of her nether-damned TEA but I CAN'T, wouldn't it just be grand if I fucked things with a month to go? She said if I'm this nervous now, there's a good chance of depression once the baby is born. Which is, essentially, exactly what happened last time. Brilliant. I'll look forward to it.

What the hell is with people? I swear, Niainde thinks I'm going to drop a baby on the floor any damn day now. One of our new Privates - Gelles Magain - asked if she could touch my belly. Because she'd "never been this close to a pregnant woman before".

WHAT THE HELL, COMPANY.

While I was gone, someone presumably broke into my office. The door was open when Niainde came to find me, the first day I was back, before I'd been there. Nothing seems to be moved or taken, and all the files are locked in their cabinets with no apparent sign of tampering. Niainde suggested Tizy may have something to do with it. Wouldn't put it past him, really, after the Goldshire Incident.

To top things off, Altruis intercepted me on my way home tonight, asking about the Book and if I'd destroyed it yet. It was on my person - I don't dare keep it in the office any more - so I couldn't lie. He was not pleased. I pointed out that I'm eight bloody months PREGNANT and that I can't just go traipsing into a battle by myself willy-nilly, and that I've showed a great deal more responsibility than he regarding the raw power of the book- Altruis was the one who put his trust in me. I told him I'll gladly hand over the book should he find someone else suitable.

That was a lie.

I found the name.

I am gla It is done. I slit her throat and burned her corpse and spread her ashes over the Great Sea. She recognized me, this time - did she know who I was all along?

I'd completely forgotten how completely unsettling Jules could be, even when she was still alive. It wasn't long before she was speaking about the end - her first death - and when she explained in her hollow voice how Jacob had turned on Lillian first that I ended it again. I don't need to know how it happened. It just did, and that's enough.

I consider myself luckier than Morgan; Jules had no eyes.

This page has been ripped out and placed on a table in Eliss' study at home.

Taking care of something. Back soon.