Journal

lockstar @ 2009-05-02T06:06:00

2009-05-02T06:07:13Z

Dear Diary:

I haven't written in you in a while. I guess that is because not much has been happening. Just studying and yelling and and things. No jumping off anything.

I have got a new brother. His name is Dietrich (it's spelled funny, hardly like it sounds at all, I wonder why that is? Deetrick would make a lot more sense) and he's tiny and cute when he's not crying. He is crying most of the time, though. I'm glad my bedroom is pretty far off.

Fid is dead and it's not fair at all. I didn't even get to say goodbye or anything. Last time I saw him we just hung around at the Faire and played with the tonks and got our fortunes and I don't even remember what the fortunes were. And he said my hair was nice but he was lying, because I'd just cut it since Tizy had put gum in it. Fid was my age and he died. People my age aren't supposed to die. I was going to take him to the Thandol Span and then jump off and maybe if I'd bugged him to do it anyway then'd things'd be different and

*The line of ink trails off and ends with a smudged blot. The page is dappled with waterspots.*

lockstar @ 2009-05-02T05:58:00

2009-05-02T05:58:30Z

FUCK.

Here I was complaining at Morgan that boo-hoo I am pregnant and fat and depressed and fuck

This world. This damned world.

How am I going to tell Arhena?

lockstar @ 2009-04-28T07:32:00

2009-04-28T07:33:08Z

I finally got up the courage to go to Neomi regarding my moods. I'm reluctant to say "depression", but I suppose that's exactly what it is. She gave me some tea that should hopefully help, and asked me if I was thinking about any cliffs before I left. Nether, that was embarrassing. All I'm hoping for is that it doesn't last as long as before. When Molly was born, my thoughts were dark for months.

Niainde witnessed Sgt. Dekae Stonerift's apparent murder, at the hands of a paladin woman. She thinks that another member of the Company, Carimonia Stonewill, is the murderess. I'm not quite sure what to think, to be honest. The girl is an absolute tooth-grinding nutter, but apparently Dekae was her father. Perhaps she thought she was putting him out of her misery... or we've got the wrong person. Gelles Magain was also in the city around the same time - I saw her there myself - but Niainde swears up and down that she'd have recognized Gelles. They're both confined to quarters while the Company investigates further.

I'm not sure I want any more to do with it. Except for the fact that I offered to deliver Literature to Gelles tomorrow.

Morgan's finally back! That's done more for my spirits than anything else, I think. Shame our discussion had to be interrupted by a starry-eyed death knight that can "see the future" - Frigg, of the Company. I can't bloody stand it when people talk about fate. The idea is ridiculous, and completely undermines the concept of free will. Eventually she left, and were able to continue. I've really missed him - there aren't many people I can talk to so easily.

He says Fidelis is staying in Southshore for a while, to take a break from the training. I think I'll ask Morgan if he could take Arhena there for a short stay, after the baby's born - that way, she could be off having fun while we try to ease her sibling into a routine. I know she's fond of Fidelis (which is exactly why she's not going on this trip without a chaperone - I remember what I was thinking about boys when I was her age, and that would be nothing but trouble). My worries are that she'll think we're shipping her off to get her out of the way, or that she'll be jealous of the baby. I could always have her stay the first few nights of no bloody sleep to nip the former in the bud. The latter I'm not sure how to deal with. I've never had more than one child before.

Perhaps tomorrow will be the day.

lockstar @ 2009-04-26T08:24:00

2009-04-26T08:24:32Z

I think I'll just stay at home from now on. I am tired of elves talking in elf-speak and people enjoying their nether-damned drinks and I really think I'm going to start CRYING this is RIDICULOUS. I hate people! Who was the last good friend I had? Arhena? Avie? Avaena? And how did those turn out? I was reduced to crying on Edding's shoulder, for the love of the Light!

Why am I bringing a child into all this? This is idiocy. This is all idiocy. If it's not the Scourge it's the Legion. If it's not them, it will be the Horde. If not the Horde, then the Old Gods will rise.

...Maybe I should talk to Neomi about that tea she mentioned.

lockstar @ 2009-04-21T10:42:00

2009-04-21T16:40:44Z

Well, the past week's pissiness has been replaced by worry and melancholy. The baby has dropped and it's damned uncomfortable. At least he's not kicking around so much now. I wonder why that is? It was the same with Molly, and I never got around to asking Aunt Linde.

I'm having those small contractions - I forget what Auntie called them - and that's just making my anxiety worse; I'm sure there would be a good number of problems if I actually went into labour right now. They go away relatively quickly, but they completely fray my nerves every time.

Nether, I need a drink.

I was a complete ass to some child calling himself a Stormwind guard the other night - he wasn't even in uniform, and was obviously trying to butt in on our conversations, as the group was mainly female. Instead of lashing out at me (which was a shame, because I really was looking for a nice screaming match) he snapped something about elves and took off. What the hell? I mean, I suppose I'm not the most racially tolerant person out there, but when a human woman is screeching at you, you really ought to reply to her. Niainde didn't take that well. Was funny, though.

Speaking of which, I went on a walk after some of those damned contractions and met up with Ianthena on the way. Her ribs were bruised. She said a child threw a rock at her when she was a cat. Considering how she was glowering, quite frankly, I'm not inclined to believe her. I wonder why she and Niainde are fighting. Again.

Nether I am tired of having to get up in the middle of writing to go to the washroom!

I am tired of everything. The book hasn't left my person since I returned from Ratchet, but I just don't have the concentration to organize my findings and decide on a plan of action.

Something is going to go wrong, it always does.

lockstar @ 2009-04-14T17:33:00

2009-04-14T17:33:28Z

Caderly's an idiot.

That girl he had me convince Aaleyada to perform a severing on is a practising warlock. If I'd have known that, I'd never have asked him to do it in the first bloody place. Idiocy! Not only that, but she cursed him to the brink of death, then ran off like the irresponsible child she is. And I allowed this woman to be around my daughter!

Ah, well. I'll have her head if she so much as approaches Arhena again, and Edding would only be better off for it.

I can't believe I still speak with the man. It's completely irrational. He is a warlock. He is the worst warlock I've ever seen. He's fallen for a warlock he claimed didn't want to be a warlock any longer but goes around cursing her best friends to death anyway.

Nether, I miss having sane friends. Mydak, Avaena, Erthant, Beckett. Sane human friends who don't look at you like you're some kind of specimen when you say oh I'm only thirty-one years old. Where the hell is Morgan, anyway? I miss him.

lockstar @ 2009-04-08T06:04:00

2009-04-08T06:04:14Z

Spoke with Neomi today. I want some of her nether-damned TEA but I CAN'T, wouldn't it just be grand if I fucked things with a month to go? She said if I'm this nervous now, there's a good chance of depression once the baby is born. Which is, essentially, exactly what happened last time. Brilliant. I'll look forward to it.

What the hell is with people? I swear, Niainde thinks I'm going to drop a baby on the floor any damn day now. One of our new Privates - Gelles Magain - asked if she could touch my belly. Because she'd "never been this close to a pregnant woman before".

WHAT THE HELL, COMPANY.

While I was gone, someone presumably broke into my office. The door was open when Niainde came to find me, the first day I was back, before I'd been there. Nothing seems to be moved or taken, and all the files are locked in their cabinets with no apparent sign of tampering. Niainde suggested Tizy may have something to do with it. Wouldn't put it past him, really, after the Goldshire Incident.

To top things off, Altruis intercepted me on my way home tonight, asking about the Book and if I'd destroyed it yet. It was on my person - I don't dare keep it in the office any more - so I couldn't lie. He was not pleased. I pointed out that I'm eight bloody months PREGNANT and that I can't just go traipsing into a battle by myself willy-nilly, and that I've showed a great deal more responsibility than he regarding the raw power of the book- Altruis was the one who put his trust in me. I told him I'll gladly hand over the book should he find someone else suitable.

That was a lie.

I found the name.

lockstar @ 2009-04-08T05:41:00

2009-04-08T05:41:31Z

~~I am gla~~ It is done. I slit her throat and burned her corpse and spread her ashes over the Great Sea. She recognized me, this time - did she know who I was all along?

I'd completely forgotten how completely unsettling Jules could be, even when she was still alive. It wasn't long before she was speaking about the end - her first death - and when she explained in her hollow voice how Jacob had turned on Lillian first that I ended it again. I don't need to know how it happened. It just did, and that's enough.

I consider myself luckier than Morgan; Jules had no eyes.

lockstar @ 2009-04-01T01:17:00

2009-04-01T07:17:49Z

This page has been ripped out and placed on a table in Eliss' study at home.

Taking care of something. Back soon.

lockstar @ 2009-03-30T16:13:00

2009-03-30T22:13:35Z

Damned death knights. Damned death knights. So I asked the Memorial to stop at Uther's Tomb - better than having it stop in Andorhal, ho ho, see this was where my parents lived, and here was the office where I helped Augnorn with the bookkeeping, and look see here's where my family died - and Corporal Frostine brings a ghoul along.

She made a speech about how it used to be a person, and therefore we should accept and love it and

THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU'RE SUCH A MONSTER. IT WAS A PERSON. It was someone's husband or daughter or father or SOMETHING and you yank it out of the bleeding GROUND and you don't exactly ask its bloody PERMISSION, now, do you? And then you order it AROUND and if it's torn apart by some oozing monstrosity OH WELL LET'S JUST DIG UP ANOTHER ONE.

If you want to show respect, LET IT STAY DEAD, for the love of the LIGHT.

lockstar @ 2009-03-11T18:49:00

2009-03-11T18:49:54Z

Dear Diary:

Dad took me out to this great waterfall in Elwynn for training last week. It wasn't too hard, kind of like how I conjure food and water. Totally different way, though, but still, similiar theory, so I caught right on! Ha!

I am tired of having no friends.

I mean, I have got Penny and Fid, I guess, but I don't think Penny really likes me at all. I mean, she had to RUN OFF because PEOPLE NEEDED HEALING but she said I couldn't help at all. I mean, what? COME ON. I mean, I don't know any healy spells or anything, but I could do SOMETHING. Like, make water. Hurt people want water, right? And she said DON'T WORRY I'LL BE BACK and I sat on the Cathedral steps for ever and she never came back. I think I heard her yell once, and I yelled back, but she didn't so I guess it wasn't her. And some stupid dog was following me. So yeah. I don't think Penny likes me at all. Plus, before that, she was jumping around and all happy and stuff but then when I talked to her she got all nervous and she said it was nothing so I guess I was the reason because she sure didn't mind the stupid dog.

At least I think Fid is still my friend. Except that he hates Dad (not that I can blame him at ALL, jeez) and I bet if Dad shows up again he'll just run off for GOOD or else his dad will try fight my dad or something and that'd just end AWFULLY and ugh. And he is nice, but all he talks about is TRAINING TRAINING TRAINING I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM TRAINING.

Arhena is my friend! But Mom just gets all wide-eyed and stuttery if I mention her and I dunno. And plus, she's an ADULT. It is like a secret society. Because I am three years too young, there are SO many things I can't do just because OH YOU ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH YET. And those are just the people who are NICE. The rest just call me a brat.

How am I a brat? Seriously? I'm not. Mom says I'm not.

I got a nose ring because it looks cool.

Love,
Arhena Sophie Balthazar

lockstar @ 2009-03-03T07:47:00

2009-03-03T07:47:43Z

Dear Diary:

I got him GOOD I don't think he will even notice for a while!! Ha ha, Tizy! It is kind of funny that the lady didn't say anything (I think it was Likue - she was in charge of finding Tizy wasn't she? I guess they are friends) but maybe she just appreciates a good joke. The pink looks really awful on him!!

I met a guy!! He is not a healer like my tarot reading said so maybe he's not even the one from it? That one isn't supposed to be romantic either, not that I am romantic with Fid or anything. He was dead and then came back just like Arhena only he had hired a shaman to do it and she doesn't know how it happened. Maybe if I died I'd come back too without knowing why? MAYBE. I'm not going to try it out though.

But then HE came along and ruined EVERYTHING like he ALWAYS DOES. He did not have to be so MEAN to Fid, it was ridiculous, we were just talking and it's not like Dad ever listens to me. So now Fid will probably never talk to me again because he's afraid Dad will POOF OUT OF NOWHERE and bite his poor head off and I can't really blame him for that.

It's not fair at all.

I would talk to Arhena but she is biased just like Mom and just says "Listen to your father" but I'm not even an ADULT (technically) and I know he's WRONG and being STUPID so what am I supposed to even do? And Mom is mad at me and I guess I can't blame her for that but she's not too mad and she's mad at Dad too so it's okay.

She is kind of crazy lately, I feel bad for her. I walked into her study one day and she was yelling at a book she was reading. She is getting really big too!! She says the baby is moving around and stuff and even kicking a little but I haven't been around to feel it yet. It had better be a girl!

Love,
Arhena Sophie Balthazar

lockstar @ 2009-03-02T07:11:00

2009-03-02T07:12:16Z

Looking almost amused, the honey-haired woman scooted them out of the doorway. "Shoo, shoo! Go on, get out of here! You two need some fresh air!"

The gangly redhead frowned, glancing in suspicious disbelief between the bashful young man holding her hand and her mother. "You're... sure? There's no trick to it? Dad or Jacob won't be following or anything?"

Mirande Balthazar glared at her daughter, folding her arms over her apron. "I said GO, Ella. I've got work to do, and you two are in the way. You've been good the past few weeks, consider it a treat." With that Mirande turned on her heel, shutting the door firmly behind her. The pair quite suddenly found themselves alone on the side street, long afternoon shadows stretching across the cobblestones.

Brushing sandy hair out of his eyes, the boy next to her shifted his weight uncomfortably. Even at sixteen he was as tall as a man, broad-shouldered from his job on the farms outside the city walls. He turned to smile shyly at Eliss. "Well."

The teenager smiled back, feeling rather giddy. "Well. Where are we going, Augnorn?"

"I've, uhm... I don't know. The river?"

Eliss bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah. I think they'll flay us alive if we even go near another barn." Augnorn Darclune turned crimson at this; the redhead laughed delightedly and tugged at his hand, leading him through the quiet streets of Andorhal.

------------

They sat at the river's edge as the sun set, dropping pebbles into the calms lapping against the shore, watching the water-bugs as they leapt away in annoyance. Eliss was growing more and more irritated with Augnorn. He was quieter than usual, and kept glancing at her every time she turned from him. This was their first time unchaperoned in nearly a month, and he was wasting it acting like he was afraid of her. The girl scowled. She tossed her last rock into the water with a short plop, leaned over, and kissed him quite seriously. Eliss scowled even harder as he pulled away early, his expression almost panicked as he leaned back and away from her.

"What's wrong with you?"

The sandy-haired boy leaned forward, bangs falling over his eyes, resting his elbows on his knees. "I, uhm... Well, see..." He trailed off, digging into his pockets.

Eliss crossed her arms in a perfect imitation of her mother. "If you're going to be like that, I'm just going to go swimming and I'm going to do it by myself and-" She was interupted mid-sentence by Augnorn babbling something she didn't quite hear. "Sorry?" The redhead turned to look at him.

He was holding something out at her; it glinted in the orange sunlight. Augnorn spoke so quickly that it took a moment for her to realize what he'd said. "Eliss Balthazar, willyoumarryme?"

Dumbstruck, she stared at him.

He repeated himself a third time, his voice almost steady. He was holding out a ring. "Ella. Will you marry me?"

Eliss began to laugh. She stopped quite suddenly as his face fell, and it was then that she realized he was serious. She stared at him a moment more.

Augnorn mumbled, awkwardly lowering his hand and looking quite miserable. "Well, you don't have to answer right away, and I know it's kind of early, but-"

She grabbed his hand in hers, turning it to better see the thing he held, and a grin slowly spread across her face. "Well, yeah, of course."

"What-"

"Yes, Augnorn. Now, come on, put the ring on me."

His hands were shaking so hard that it took him three tries.

lockstar @ 2009-02-24T19:43:00

2009-02-24T19:43:56Z

Nether, what a bloody night. Still can't find it.

Then I come out of my office to find Niainde, of all people, who glares at me (all while remaining relatively polite - elves) and then asks if there are any officers except me around. Then she asks this over the talkie. THEN SHE ACCEPT'S TIZY'S HELP. OVER MINE. What in the bleeding NETHER did I do to HER?! Last I saw her she was all doped-up and stupid a few days after killing Eveningstar. Did I offend her delicate elf sensibilities somehow?! And to think I ABSTAINED from her sobriety vote. NEVER AGAIN.

So then Edding and I go over to the Recluse whilst Togbauble and Stormlight finish discussing their secret, important business. Soon as they show up (I suppose Niainde isn't pissy enough with me to not join in with Caderly's relentless mocking of me) who ELSE walks up the stairs but ARHENA. TARKHEENA.

I don't understand the woman. At all. One does not say someone is like bloody family only to run off and tell her stupid irresponsible husband you still love him. One does not answer "why" with "I'm sorry". One does not stay away for months on end only to show up and pissily say you still care.

AND THEN TIZY TELLS ME MY ARHENA HAS BEEN IN GOLDSHIRE. GOLDSHIRE!

And somehow, while I'm scouring the city trying to find her, she starts chatting up a certain boy that I told in no uncertain terms to STAY AWAY FROM HER. And then AALEYADA

*The following writing is much more neat.*

Well, they're both asleep now. I can't bloody sleep. How in the nether am I supposed to juggle those two? There was a lull for a while, but they fight all the time. About anything. Neither of them will ever back down. Maybe sending Arhena away to study in Dalaran would be a good idea.

lockstar @ 2009-02-19T22:22:00

2009-02-20T05:24:27Z

If I didn't know any better, I'd say the damned book was toying with me. I've found every other name but his - even the Xorothian, for the love of the Light. Page after page after

Oh, dear, it's late. I need to get home and get some sleep. I shouldn't have gone to the Company meeting today, this is more important.

lockstar @ 2009-02-17T23:11:00

2009-02-17T23:12:18Z

As of late, I've been sneaking about in Shadowmoon Valley, scouting out the Black Temple before our expedition and doing a bit of work for the Scryers. It won't be long before I'm too round to even do that, so I've been keeping quite busy with it. I came across something very interesting while speaking with a Kaldorei demon hunter in Nagrand.

There is a book that contains the true name of every demon in existence. Obviously it's an enchanted item; the Legion is practically beyond number and there are creatures being tainted to swell their numbers every moment. Knowing the true name of a demon is to have nearly absolute power over it.

The book is in my office.

I obtained it from an ogre in the Shadow Labyrinth - why he had it, exactly, I don't know. I need it to put an end to one of Illidan's pet demon hunters, as the blood elf in question draws from it for power. But... not quite yet. I'll still need help for that. First, there is something I must do.

It's an enourmous bloody book. Finding the name is going to be nearly impossible.

lockstar @ 2009-02-16T06:36:00

2009-02-16T06:37:12Z

It's lovely, just lovely. I don't feel like I'm on... well, thin ice any longer. It's strange how much a little ring can do, isn't it? I just have to make sure to not lose this one, not like the first two.

And he made me something that SMELLS like booze and TASTES like booze but it's not, really, so I can drink it anyway only he can't make a whole lot at a time so I'm really just carrying around a flask but that's fine.

I'm almost done his book, and the baby is fluttering about more and more, and Arhena's been a sweetheart for the past few days (I am beginning to wonder if she's done something wrong). I'm ~~almost~~ happy.

Boy	Girl
Julian	Sasha
~~Elias~~	Lena
Edmund	Ophelia

lockstar @ 2009-02-13T00:40:00

2009-02-13T07:41:40Z

Part 1: The Basics

1. What is your full name?
Eliss Lonne Darclune Balthazar.

2. Where and when were you born?
I was born in Andorhal, in the Kingdom of Lordaeron, around thirty-one years ago. My Aunt Linde was the midwife. I'm told it was a fairly standard event, as births go.

3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)
My father's name was Kale Balthazar, and my mother was Mirande Cooper. Father had been a soldier briefly when he was young, but he hurt his leg badly and it never quite healed right. Once he could at least walk again he came home and became a grain merchant - you know, the one the farmers sell to, the middle man. He had to use a cane, which I know he rather resented, but I think he was happy, all told. Mother was a housewife, although she probably could have been a schoolteacher, if she really wanted.

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?
No.

5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.
I live with my husband, Aaleyada, and our daughter Arhena in Nagrand. It is a unique house. I'm still getting used to it.

6. What is your occupation?
Scholar and mother, not necessarily in that order.

7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.
...Er. Um. My height is average. Generally I've always been on the scrawny side - sometimes dangerously so - but I've put on weight recently. I'm human, obviously, and a redhead like my father. Green eyes. I favour expensive gowns and robes. I've got a circle of tattoos on my stomach, which no one but my husband ever sees, anyway. I have a barely-visible scar on my knee, though. I think I fell out of a tree onto a rock, or something. I was small. I am pregnant.

8. To which social class do you belong?
I grew up just a bit above the peasants and farmers, but now? I don't really know.

9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
I'm not all that strong, at all.

10. Are you right- or left-handed?
Right.

11. What does your voice sound like?
I don't know. Average. Piercing, when I yell.

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?
"Mmm", "I suppose" and "bloody".

13. What do you have in your pockets?
My notebook, various writing utensils, some gold? I don't know. ...Oh, look, a cupcake wrapper.

14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
I chew my lip a lot. Keeps it attractively coloured, I suppose, akin to pinching one's cheeks. I grind my teeth when I'm angry - I suppose I'll lose them before I get too old.

Part 2: Growing Up

15. How would you describe your childhood in general?
Happy. I was a gangly tomboy until about fourteen, and there were plenty of neighbourhood children to play with. I spent a lot of time around the lake and climbing trees, and very little time doing schoolwork.

16. What is your earliest memory?
My grandmother coming to comfort me after a nightmare. I still remember that nightmare vididly - I was about two and a half at the time. It involved lightning, and a great storm. I can pinpoint this exactly because my father's parents lived in the capital at that time, and only came to visit us once before I was five. They moved back to Andorhal after that.

17. How much schooling have you had?
I went to school, doing terribly, until I got engaged at sixteen. My mother still had me study after that, though.

18. Did you enjoy school?
No. It was horribly boring. I enjoyed seeing my friends.

19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?
Ever since I left Thelsamar - and a few months before - I've studied like mad. Most of my current knowledge I've gained myself. Aaleyada's taught me some things about daggers and swords - a lot of people tried to help me with that, actually.

20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.
My uncle. He was big, he was brave, he was a soldier.

21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
As I've mentioned before, I was the only child of an older couple. I was probably a tad spoiled, but not overmuch. My parents were sensible, and except for my standard teenage rebellion we go along splendidly.

22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A knight.

23. As a child, what were your favorite activities?
Tree-climbing, play-fighting, various games with rubber balls and lines scratched out in dirt. Fishing. Tossing things in the river and watching them float. Cutting down springy saplings and hitting people with them.

24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
I had an active imagination and a short attention span. A short temper and a tendency to lie as well - never over anything serious, though. If something was deemed worthy of my time - a game, a friendship - I would jump into it with both feet, live and breathe it, until something would happen and I'd be heartbroken for a day or so.

25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?
Mildly, I suppose. I was a bit too tomboyish for most of the girls, so the majority of my friends were boys - until I discovered boys. Augnorn was my best friend for a very long time - since six or so, I suppose, though we weren't without our fights. James Sherman, Pol Baker, Lucas Vellias - played orcs and knights with them a lot.

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?
My first kiss was Keinan Millrore, when I was thirteen and had just discovered boys. It was awkward, and uncomfortably wet. I didn't kiss him again, though he tried.

27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
Of course not. I lost my virginity to Augnorn on our wedding night - which, looking back, is likely why our parents hurried the engagement so much. If they hadn't found us in Thompstan's hay barn a year prior at sixteen, I imagine it probably would have happened then.

28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.
The plague.

Part 3: Past Influences

29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
The plague.

30. Who has had the most influence on you?
I'm tempted to say my father, but probably Augnorn. He was... he was good. A good man, all around, and you couldn't have found a better father, and really, if it weren't for him and my losing him... Well. I wouldn't be who I am without him. That's that.

31. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I cringe to say this, but Arhena. And Molly. I sound like such a WOMAN. I was never any good with Molly, but still.

32. What is your greatest regret?
That I did not suggest to Augnorn that he and Molly come with me. He would never have - the entire reason he sent me off early was because he had too much work to go before we left for the trip - but. Still. I could have brought Molly. I could have done that, and she would be almost ten.

33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
That's subjective. I've killed a lot of people - though, from my point of view, it wasn't "evil". I suppose the most "evil" thing I've done was poison a man for knowing too much, back in my early days of being a warlock. I got a hat for it.

34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
I don't think so. I imagine my time spent as a warlock may have gotten me on one watch-list or another, though.

35. When was the time you were the most frightened?
When we receieved news of the plague, in Southshore. And when Aaleyada got so angry with me, and I took Arhena, and I ran, and... right after that.

36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?
When I was small, I almost drowned and that put a fear of water in me for a long time. I was eleven, and two boys pushed me off a rock and into the water, and I panicked. It wasn't very deep, but I thought I was going to die. I screamed, and I thrashed, and I though I managed to get out, I just curled up on the pebbles and cried. They were laughing. They had black eyes, the next week.

37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
Well, it would be impossible, absolutely, and if it actually happened, I wouldn't have Aaleyada or Arhena. So I wouldn't. But - I would bring Augnorn and Molly with me.

38. What is your best memory?
I have two. The first was on Augnorn and I's honeymoon - we went to the capital, stayed in a fancy inn, saw the king from a distance, that sort of thing. He was just so - he was trying very hard, to be good, and loving; to be a husband. Mine. He would do silly romantic things, and I'd laugh, and at first he'd look hurt, but despite the laughing I appreciated it anyway and he saw that and everything would be all right. That whole week.

And Aaleyada and I's wedding, after the priestess had left, and it was only just us. And he threw away Gwenne's ring. And there were flowers, and the water lapping at the shore.

39. What is your worst memory?
My first year in Southshore, after the plague. My mind was not... right.

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
Pessimistic. I always have plans in case the worst should come to pass.

41. What is your greatest fear?
Losing my family again. I could not do that. If that happened, I would bury myself in fel and demonology again and I would shrivel and I would die and I would not care.

42. What are your religious views?
I have none. I followed the Light devotedly when I was young, but the Light did nothing for Andoral, now, did it?

43. What are your political views?
I haven't really thought about it. King Terenas was a good king - I was happy with that.

44. What are your views on sex?
I don't know. Consenting adults can do what they wish. It doesn't mean much, unless you love the person.

45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?
Of course. I kill people before they kill me. I wouldn't kill an unarmed person... Well, no. It would depend on who they were.

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
Kill a child.

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?
I suppose so. Not just one, though.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life?
Whatever makes you happy.

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?
I do not tell much of anything to anyone - not even Aaleyada, really. Still, I don't hide my "true self" or any nonsense like that. I am who I am.

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?
Greenskins can hang. So can the undead. Elves are either lesbians or snots. Dwarves are fantastic. Gnomes are annoying.

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?
I would not cheat. Ever. That is a horrible thing to do to someone. Not the sex, but the betrayal.

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?
Aaleyada and Arhena. The baby, when it comes. I think that's about it.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?
I treat them with a borderline of respect until they prove that they deserve more - or less. Of course it changes once I know them better, that's how interpersonal relationships work.

54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
Aaleyada. He is my husband. He helped me mend myself, so to speak, and I would be dead now if it wasn't for him.

55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why?
...Er. I'm not sure. I.. haven't really thought about it.

56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.
Ah... I don't have a whole lot of friends, really. Company aquaintances, maybe. Morgan Traske? Edding Caderly? Tizy? I've never really had very many girl friends, now that I think of it. Not that I could talk to. ...Nothing that lasted, anyway.

57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.
Aaleyada is proud, and stubborn, and childish in many ways. But he can be understanding, and gentle, and kind- sometimes I wonder just how long he'll put up with me.

58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.
Twice. Schoolgirl crushes don't count. Describe what happened...? Well, Augnorn and I grew up together, got married, had a child and a life, and then they died. Aaleyada- I got close to him because I was trying to kill someone, and needed help. I was sleeping with him long before I realized I really loved him. It was a strange thing.

59. What do you look for in a potential lover?
I am not looking for one.

60. How close are you to your family?
Lindea is my cousin, and my only family still living. She never approved of my being a warlock, does not approve of Aaleyada, and still blames me for missing her mother's funeral. Still, things could be worse.

61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?
Aaleyada and Arhena. I've gone on about Aaleyada quite enough, I think. Arhena is fifteen, stubborn as her father, endlessly curious, and headstrong. I guarantee that she will not be marrying as young as I did.

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?
Aaleyada. The Company. Beyond that? I don't know.

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?
Aaleyada. He's done a decent enough job so far.

64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
My family. The Company might notice, but I doubt anyone would be too terribly choked up over it.

65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
Alekzander. Damned warlock.

66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?
I argue with people when they are wrong.

67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
I try to aviod it. It's too bloody much trouble.

68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?
No. Too bloody much TROUBLE, I said.

69. Do you care what others think of you?
Yes. In some ways my family is very strange, and I don't want any attention drawn to that.

Part 6: Likes And Dislikes

70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
Reading and studying. I could read for years on end.

71. What is your most treasured possession?
My notebook. It has a few simple enchantments - increased page count, that sort of thing - and it never leaves my person. Also, my wedding ring, but I was an idiot and lost it a few months ago.

72. What is your favorite color?
Green, or red.

73. What is your favorite food?
A good, decent stew.

74. What, if anything, do you like to read?
History. Magical theory. That sort of thing.

75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?
A library.

76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?
I don't smoke or use strange substances. If I weren't pregnant, I'd be drunk every night I could manage to get away with it. It's entertaining.

77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
With Arhena, or dealing with Company matters.

78. What makes you laugh?
...What? Uhm. Jokes. My daughter.

79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
People who are sympathetic to the Horde. They were invading our lands when we were children, you idiots! They're a bunch of greenskins and traitors! They widowed my aunt, and then took HER some twenty years later! Oh, yes, peace with THEM would work out so NICELY, just look at HILLSBRAD.

80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?
Read.

81. How do you deal with stress?
I yell, and go sneaking around Tyr's Hand to blow off some steam.

82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?
I have a plan for everything.

83. What are your pet peeves?
Lesbian elves. Idiots. Light-blind paladins. Warlocks.

Part 7: Self Images And Etc.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?
I wake up whenever I get around to it, eat some food, perhaps work on one of my experiments. Head to my Company office, see if there's paperwork to do. If there is, I do it. If not, I either go home to spend time with Arhena or go out to do mercenary work in the Outlands or Northrend. I come home when I feel like it, read, and either go to bed or fall asleep in my chair. It's rare I'm doing the same thing two days in a row, so I don't mind 'disruptions'.

85. What is your greatest strength as a person?
Ah.. That's a tough question. Since I'm relatively powerless as of late, I'd have to say my knowledge.

86. What is your greatest weakness?
I am weak-willed.

87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would like to be satisfied just being a wife and a mother.

88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
Introverted.

89. Are you generally organized or messy?
Organized.

90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
I am good at studying, torture, and engineering. I am bad at cooking, swordsmanship, and not wanting to be a warlock.

91. Do you like yourself?
That is complicated. If I were looking at myself from the outside - considering whether I should be my own friend, something ridiculous like that - I don't think I would be. I have made too many mistakes. I am not always rational.

I don't hate myself.

92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons...)
It's money, and there are interesting things to be found.

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
I really wish that I could ~~summon without the side effects - keep the fel away~~ be happy.

94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Taking my son or daughter to their first school day.

95. If you could choose, how would you want to die?
As long as I died, and stayed dead, and everyone knew that I was dead, that would be fine. No doubts, no waiting, no hoping. So they could move on.

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.
Spend time with my daughter. Spend... time with my husband. Write the last page in my journal.

97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?
As long as it wasn't embarrassing and I was remembered fondly, I would be fine with that.

98. What three words best describe your personality?
Anxious. Caring. Studious.

99. What three words would others probably use to describe you?
Bitchy. Smart. Bitchy.

100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice...)
Stop worrying so much, especially about Aaleyada and your kids, and stop thinking about the crack. Getting back into warlockery would only end badly for you.

lockstar @ 2009-02-12T02:06:00

2009-02-12T09:06:40Z

Fidelis Traske is dead. I don't know what to think about it. I mean, on one hand, it is partially my fault - he burned Company records, Light be damned - but if he'd done only that, they wouldn't have reacted as they did. His death was a product of his life. Still! He was my bloody assistant last week! He ratted out Tizy to the Alliance thanks to me - but then he helped keep them away in time for us to get to Tizy first. And he was Morgan's brother, his only family left since the plague.

The man was brave, if nothing else - he did what I discovered I could never do: kill someone I know who's turned.

I'm just bloody lucky it was Jules and not Augnorn. ~~Why didn't he tu~~

I'm fond of Morgan. He called me "sis" before darting off to the Grizzly Hills to bathe himself in blood. ~~One can hope things don't turn out like they did the last time someone called me that.~~ Actually, you know what? Never mind. I would be far too busy laughing my ass off to care if Morgan Traske walked up to Aaleyada and told him that he loved him.

I wonder how Arhena Tarkheena is. ~~WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ANSWER IS "I'M SORRY"~~

Nether, I'm pissy tonight. Hell with Ianthena too, while I'm at it. How the HELL does she have the nerve to judge TIZY guilty - a gnome guilty of nothing other than being something of an idiot - when her own ~~wife~~ ~~lesbian~~ mate or whatever the hell they call each other runs off by herself, almost gets herself killed? Hell hell hell HELL. Idiocy. And Private Foxfire just happened to get mutilated by a passing gang of Horde, IN IRONFORGE, when I saw Ianthena's precious wifey well messed up a few hours later? Not that I'll call her out on that. I mean, from the looks of things, Foxfire deserved it, and I could even be wrong and it WAS the horde that did it. Still. Even ignoring that, bloody hypocrite elf.

It's hard to have time to hate myself when I'm busy hating everyone else, Fidelis. SO THERE.

lockstar @ 2009-02-07T07:55:00

2009-02-07T07:55:47Z

I may have gotten in over my head with this one: I am teaching Tizy Togbauble to read. I should really do some studies in linguistics, I'm *The letter trails off, half-written.*

I think it just moved. He. She.

lockstar @ 2009-02-04T07:39:00

2009-02-04T07:39:59Z

Everything's just fine. That death knight of Tizy's didn't manage to do anything serious, and I think I actually like this tea Neomi gave me. It's soothing.

What was the other one's name? Aranorn? He turned on Delinise before he even realized Dewberry and I were there (although I suppose he could have been lying on that count). And Tizy seems to know and trust him. He was a mage, before? He wasn't even aware that Dalaran had been rebuilt. Wonder where he is now.

Delinise's death was too quick, but at least it was messy. Dewberry is downright sadistic at times. I don't have the stomach lately to shove a bomb into someone's intestines, but she was whistling while she did.

I don't exactly hate myself, do I? I mean, there are a great deal of things that I regret, and a great deal of things that are my fault, but I'm just taking responsibility for my actions. There is a difference between that and simple self-loathing, I think.

It is two weeks away, I'd better start on the book.

lockstar @ 2009-02-01T05:22:00

2009-02-01T05:23:12Z

Okay.

I just need to stay calm, that's all. I'll talk to Aaleyada and he'll take a look at things and everything will be just fine. I mean, I feel all right and everything. No cramps, no pain. Just fine. And Neomi did all that paladin-y stuff and made me this tea, and it's really quite good tea.

WHERE IN BLOODY HELL IS AALEYADA I AM GOING TO KILL HIM

lockstar @ 2009-01-29T11:04:00

2009-01-29T18:05:01Z

The commandant is full of terrible ideas sometimes. I don't want to make Fidelus' life a living misery, I want him to leave me the hell alone. For every muddy Elekk I make him clean he will reciprocate in kind, doesn't she bloody UNDERSTAND?! AGH. AGH AGH AGH.

lockstar @ 2009-01-24T23:28:00

2009-01-25T06:31:55Z

I AM GOING TO KILL
FIDELUS TRASKE

oh nether so many rat-sticks

lockstar @ 2009-01-17T18:43:00

2009-01-18T01:41:37Z

TO BLOODY HELL WITH:

Veilune, Vulpina, -> TRASKE <-, Tandreth, illiterate morons, beer, labour, stupid cat elves, belts that do not fit, Slyff and her nether-damned "FLYING LESSONS".